Post by Alucard on Jul 25, 2008 16:59:30 GMT -5
Have you ever heard that song Bleed It out? Or the other song you make me bleed? Or even the song time in a bottle?
Well, even if you haven't the titles alone speak the truth.
Have you ever thought of death? I mean sit down and REALLY think about? For hours on end? For days? For weeks? For years? Death is something I think about alot. I know its unhealthy to some extent but it comforts me. I am no longer afraid to die...I haven't been afraid of death for years now. I suppose its because I realized death is a natural thing, everything that lives must die in the end. There is no such thing as immortality.
Have you ever had something hit home? I mean REALLY hit home? To the point where you awaken and see not only yourself, but everyone, everything, the entire world, your priorities change..things that use to mean alot now are nothing to you? Have you ever had that happen? I'm sure you all have to some extent.
There is a reason behind my ramblings here.
My cousin on my mom's side of the family..I know I told you guys she had breast cancer...and that it has now gone to her brain. I went to see her the other day. She still looks the same but she acts completely different. Now, I am not close to my cousin, merely because I haven't seen her in over twelve years.
I grieve for the fact I know she is going to die, that it is the loss of a life so short. She knows she's going to die. Already she's moving in a trance, everything that once ment something to her is gone now. For two weeks she thought her life would be able to go back tot he way things use to be, and then she is hit with this.
She's doing radiation on her brain for the next 13 days, she already went twice. But here's the thing.
Despite doing radiation, and taking medication such as Herception and the steriods and what not...they say she'll only live a little over 20 weeks.
But if she does radiology with the stuff listed above she could live a little over a year. But still that is not much. Not much at all.
But things only get worse from there, she went to see her other doctor, you know the one all women have to go to at some point in their lives...the one I like to call the perv doctor if its a guy...the one who takes care of a female's womanly parts...
She went to see her doctor, and now they are afraid the cancer might have started to spread to her reproductive organs.
As they say, when it rans it pours. And it comes down in torrents.
This affects me as well. Because my cousin and I are only a few years apart, and because we are related through our mothers who are sisters....because her cancer has spread to the brain from the breast...this puts me at a higher risk of developing this same or similar cancer as well.
So now, I have to go to the pervy doctor and get all my parts checked out. I wasn't supposed to have to do this until I'm 21 but with all this stuff going on, the docotor is very concerned. And, I'll admit, I'm nervous of what they are going to find. Not only that but I do NOT want to be probed....I was poked and stabbed and probed enough as a child when I was sick.
Personally, I know they say all this is for my own good, but I already know if they found something, there would be hardly anything they could do for me.
If I had cancer in my breasts or reproductive organs, all they could do would be to remove the infected areas..and pump me up with steriods. I could do Kemo, I couldn't do radiation, and I already have a heart condition so Herception wouldn't work either. I would die. Then again, I've always walked around with a death sentence ever since I was born.
I know I've told you guys about my problem with antibiotics correct? I'm allergic to every single one in extistance. I'm also allergic to sulfa and all forms of penacillian [can't spell] If I ever got a bacterial infection, my weak immune system would most likely cave, and I would die. If the infection didn't kill me the medication that is supposed to help would kill me instead.
d**ned if I do d**ned if I don't.
But I'm not about to let that all stop me. I'm too d**n stubborn for something like that to stop me from doing what I love the most.
I'm sorry for being abscent for so long, but with all this nuts going on, you have to understand why I was gone. Not to mention mom has been using the computer for every now, looking up stuff about brain cancer and proceedures, all that jazz.
I have very little to keep me sane now, and I was in no mood nor condition to rp for the past few days. So I took to merely killing things on video games. The only other thing which brought me comfort, my cosplay for otakon, is now turning into a nightmare....-sighs-
Oh well, life is life, life is a pregnant dog, you do you're best to deal with it.
But I will warn you now, there may very well be other times such as this when I am not on for a few days if not more. Again, I'm sorry for not telling you all sooner, but more things are developing every day.....
Well, even if you haven't the titles alone speak the truth.
Have you ever thought of death? I mean sit down and REALLY think about? For hours on end? For days? For weeks? For years? Death is something I think about alot. I know its unhealthy to some extent but it comforts me. I am no longer afraid to die...I haven't been afraid of death for years now. I suppose its because I realized death is a natural thing, everything that lives must die in the end. There is no such thing as immortality.
Have you ever had something hit home? I mean REALLY hit home? To the point where you awaken and see not only yourself, but everyone, everything, the entire world, your priorities change..things that use to mean alot now are nothing to you? Have you ever had that happen? I'm sure you all have to some extent.
There is a reason behind my ramblings here.
My cousin on my mom's side of the family..I know I told you guys she had breast cancer...and that it has now gone to her brain. I went to see her the other day. She still looks the same but she acts completely different. Now, I am not close to my cousin, merely because I haven't seen her in over twelve years.
I grieve for the fact I know she is going to die, that it is the loss of a life so short. She knows she's going to die. Already she's moving in a trance, everything that once ment something to her is gone now. For two weeks she thought her life would be able to go back tot he way things use to be, and then she is hit with this.
She's doing radiation on her brain for the next 13 days, she already went twice. But here's the thing.
Despite doing radiation, and taking medication such as Herception and the steriods and what not...they say she'll only live a little over 20 weeks.
But if she does radiology with the stuff listed above she could live a little over a year. But still that is not much. Not much at all.
But things only get worse from there, she went to see her other doctor, you know the one all women have to go to at some point in their lives...the one I like to call the perv doctor if its a guy...the one who takes care of a female's womanly parts...
She went to see her doctor, and now they are afraid the cancer might have started to spread to her reproductive organs.
As they say, when it rans it pours. And it comes down in torrents.
This affects me as well. Because my cousin and I are only a few years apart, and because we are related through our mothers who are sisters....because her cancer has spread to the brain from the breast...this puts me at a higher risk of developing this same or similar cancer as well.
So now, I have to go to the pervy doctor and get all my parts checked out. I wasn't supposed to have to do this until I'm 21 but with all this stuff going on, the docotor is very concerned. And, I'll admit, I'm nervous of what they are going to find. Not only that but I do NOT want to be probed....I was poked and stabbed and probed enough as a child when I was sick.
Personally, I know they say all this is for my own good, but I already know if they found something, there would be hardly anything they could do for me.
If I had cancer in my breasts or reproductive organs, all they could do would be to remove the infected areas..and pump me up with steriods. I could do Kemo, I couldn't do radiation, and I already have a heart condition so Herception wouldn't work either. I would die. Then again, I've always walked around with a death sentence ever since I was born.
I know I've told you guys about my problem with antibiotics correct? I'm allergic to every single one in extistance. I'm also allergic to sulfa and all forms of penacillian [can't spell] If I ever got a bacterial infection, my weak immune system would most likely cave, and I would die. If the infection didn't kill me the medication that is supposed to help would kill me instead.
d**ned if I do d**ned if I don't.
But I'm not about to let that all stop me. I'm too d**n stubborn for something like that to stop me from doing what I love the most.
I'm sorry for being abscent for so long, but with all this nuts going on, you have to understand why I was gone. Not to mention mom has been using the computer for every now, looking up stuff about brain cancer and proceedures, all that jazz.
I have very little to keep me sane now, and I was in no mood nor condition to rp for the past few days. So I took to merely killing things on video games. The only other thing which brought me comfort, my cosplay for otakon, is now turning into a nightmare....-sighs-
Oh well, life is life, life is a pregnant dog, you do you're best to deal with it.
But I will warn you now, there may very well be other times such as this when I am not on for a few days if not more. Again, I'm sorry for not telling you all sooner, but more things are developing every day.....